Happy Thursday,
As a young engineer and leader, I used to think that if I could clearly explain the facts, present the evidence, and build a logical case, people would naturally come around and change their minds. Shockingly, they didn’t. Yet I still see leaders, even senior executives, trying exactly the same approach with their teams, leaders, and stakeholders. So let’s unplug from that dogma of logic and talk about what actually changes people’s minds.
🧠 LEARN something.
Here’s the truth. People don’t always reject your argument because it’s wrong. Sometimes they reject it because it threatens something much deeper. When someone disagrees with you, it isn’t a signal that you need better evidence, another example, or a clearer explanation. If only changing minds were that easy. I love the argument that psychologist Jonathan Haidt uses: think of the mind as a rider sitting on an elephant. The rider represents our rational thinking. The elephant represents our intuition, emotions, and deeply held beliefs. The rider likes to think they are in control, but most of the time the rider is simply justifying where the elephant has already decided to go. We like to think our rational mind is making the decisions. But often, our emotions have already made them, and our rational mind simply creates reasons to justify them. Facts matter, but they’re rarely where beliefs begin.
This explains why so many conversations go nowhere. When faced with resistance, many leaders’ instinct is to provide more evidence, make a stronger case, articulate a better argument, and explain harder. But they heard you the first time. In fact, pushing harder can backfire. The more pressure people feel to abandon a belief that has become part of who they are, the more they defend it. It isn’t because they’re irrational, stubborn, or not smart enough to follow the logic and evidence. It’s because changing their mind can feel like changing themselves. When identity feels under attack, the brain shifts from learning mode into defence mode. At that point, your beautifully prepared PowerPoint or business case becomes wallpaper. Changing someone’s mind isn’t an objective and non-emotive courtroom argument. It’s an up-close, intentional and often emotional conversation with someone’s lived experience. People rarely change because they were out-argued. They change because they felt understood.
🤔 REFLECT on an idea.
You can’t go past this classic Covey quote because influence almost always runs through respect before it runs through reason. If you try to win before you understand, you may win the argument and lose the person. That is a very efficient way to create a lovely relationship with absolutely no traction.
😊 SMILE a little.
Nobody has ever said, “Your graph on slide 37 really spoke to my deeply held beliefs.” 😂
✅ DO IT to get results.
The next time you find yourself disagreeing with someone, resist the urge to gather more evidence. Instead, become curious before becoming convincing. Ask, “Can you help me understand how you came to that conclusion?” Then keep listening until you can explain their position as well as they can. You may find that either they have defeated their own argument, you have learned why they are truly resisting, or they have felt heard and become less defensive and more open to a different way of thinking. It’s a win-win-win scenario.
🅱️ Last week to register!
Want to become a better listener and a master question asker who can change people’s minds and bring the best out of them? Check out our two-day Leader Coach workshop. Registrations close this week, so don’t miss out!
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Kia pai tō wiki
Kenny Bhosale
CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders
