In a room full of men she was the “designated empath,” not by choice but by expectations. I see this too often, and it’s done with good intent. But it’s based on an outdated stereotype that women are naturally more empathetic than men. Unfortunately, these stereotypes shape workplaces and how strengths are recognised in a team. So let’s bust this stereotype myth and explore why it matters to you as a leader.
LEARN something.
Popular wisdom claims women are more empathetic than men, and that women make better leaders. The claim is not just sentimental either, because for decades empathy has been measured predominantly through self-report style surveys (“I think I’m empathetic”), and this data does show women consistently reporting higher empathy than men. Or at least that women are more comfortable self-reporting empathy as a desirable strength. This little nuance matters a lot. Because in reality, empathy is less about chromosomes and more about conditioning. In fact, studies in behavioural genetics and psychology show genetics account for less than 10% of empathy variation. The vast majority comes from environment, upbringing, culture, and social norms. This is where organisational and industry context comes in too. For instance, in healthcare and education (sectors dominated by women), empathy is recognised and rewarded, so leaders display it more. In finance, tech, and the military (where I spent 18 years of my career), different norms dominate, and empathy is often suppressed or disregarded as a strength.
Yes, women are more empathetic, but not because of biology. Rather, because social norms expect, allow, and reward it. From childhood, girls are encouraged to show emotions and empathy while boys are nudged to “toughen up.” Fast forward to the boardroom, and those early narratives and mental stereotypes still shape both behaviour and perception. A man who shows a hint of empathy is seen as exceptional. A woman doing the same is simply expected. That is why we need to stop treating empathy as a gendered trait and instead see it as a leadership muscle: one that can be learned, exercised, and strengthened. If organisations want high performance, psychological safety, and loyal teams, empathy cannot be left to stereotypes. To win, you need to ditch clichés and build empathy into culture and environment, where everyone, regardless of gender, can lead with empathy and in complement to other necessary leadership traits.
REFLECT on an idea.
“Empathy is not a trait you either have or don’t have. It is a skill that can be taught, strengthened, and expanded.” (Helen Riess)
Empathy isn’t hardwired to gender or genetics. It is conditioned, practiced, and shaped by culture. That means we can’t outsource it to stereotypes or excuse ourselves by saying, “I don’t do this.” Empathy can be learned, and leaders have a responsibility to create environments where it is developed, valued, and applied by everyone.
SMILE a little.
Honing empathy at work is like adults learning TikTok in the beginning – cringey, clunky, and awkward at first, but you do get the hang of it! 😂
DO IT to get results.
Too often leaders overemphasise empathy as a personal trait (“you’re not empathetic enough”) and underestimate the impact of normalising empathy and creating an environment where it feels safe to practice. As leaders, one of the simplest and most practical ways to do this is by creating space in conversations and encouraging different perspectives.
In your next team meeting, pause and try one of these questions: “Who else might see this differently?” “What haven’t we considered about the people this affects?” or “What would this look like from the customer’s perspective?” These pauses and simple structural cues can shift empathy from an individual trait to a collective norm.
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