When I first started working with Sam, he wanted to connect more with his team and expand his influence—but he hated small talk and dreaded networking. He never knew what to say, struggled to find common interests and dreaded the awkward chats. But today, Sam can work a room like a pro! So what changed? Let’s break it down.
Plus, check out our February subscriber-only offer in this newsletter—for our Foundations Coaching Program!
🧠 LEARN something.
Sam, a senior leader in finance, isn’t alone—many leaders struggle with small talk. In today’s fast-paced, efficiency-driven, virtual work environment, the casual conversation is becoming a lost art. This makes it even harder for leaders who aren’t naturally good at it, especially introverts, perfectionists, or those who overthink and fear judgment. Sam felt this deeply, often avoiding networking events and leaving office functions early. Yet, he knew deep down that small talk was a powerful tool for workplace communication, trust-building, and opening doors to new opportunities. Fortunately for Sam, two key mindset shifts helped him go from awkward and nervous to confidently working a room and networking—the same shifts can help you and your leaders too.
First, don’t think of small talk as talking—but rather listening and asking open-ended questions. Once you realise you don’t have to carry the weight of the conversation, it gets much easier. Let the other person do 80% of the talking, and they’ll walk away feeling valued and connected. Second, use the F.O.R.M. framework when unsure what to talk about, beyond the weather!These four topics are universally proven to work!
- Family – Background, kids, upbringing.
- Occupation – Job, career, industry.
- Recreation – Hobbies, sports, free time.
- Motivation – Goals, passions, future plans.
You don’t need to be a master conversationalist—you just need a few open-ended questions to get the conversation going. In a post-pandemic world, where leaders are more connected yet more isolated, small talk is more valuable than ever, both in your leadership and career success.
🤔 REFLECT on an idea.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Dale Carnegie
I love this one from Carnegie (author of the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People). If you want to make friends and influence people—whether that’s your team, leaders, or clients—you don’t need to talk. You just need to listen and take a genuine interest in them. The rest becomes easy.
😊 SMILE a little.
I decided to skip the small talk and dive straight into deep conversation.
I’ve now unlocked someone’s childhood trauma and somehow become their life coach.😂
✅ DO IT to get results.
If you’re rubbish at small talk, remember that practice makes permanent—and small talk is no different. Try the FORM approach with your taxi or Uber driver. It’s one of the safest spaces to practice your small talk before you have to do it for real.
And if you’re an extrovert or a natural talker, remember the quote from this newsletter. Next time you’re at a networking event, aim for 80% listening and 20% talking—then see what happens.
🌱 How we can support you.
We’re a leadership development company with an awesome team of coaches and facilitators who support you, your leaders, and teams, through:
- 1:1 Leadership Coaching for leaders at all levels.
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- Workshops, offsites and team development.
- Ask about our flagship Leadership Coaching Programs!
Kenny Bhosale
CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders
