Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone just got along! But they don’t, and as leaders, we need to be able to handle that. So let’s talk about why disagreement and conflict emerge and what to do as a leader.
Plus, check out our February subscriber-only offer in this newsletter—for our Foundations Coaching Program!
🧠 LEARN something.
Conflict and disagreements are a natural part of team dynamics, but many leaders struggle with it. Instead of resolving it, they often take one of four ineffective approaches: bulldozing their way through, becoming a doormat and compromising too much, avoiding conflict altogether, or playing the mediator role—draining their time and energy in the process. What leaders often miss is that the real problem isn’t the disagreement or conflict itself but the lack of empathy towards other people’s perspectives. So, as leaders, we need to take a much better approach—one that encourages real empathy. I am not talking about being kind or nice to each other, but rather a grown-up dialogue where people have to put themselves in others’ shoes.
One effective tool for this is steel-manning—a technique where you look to not only understand but also further strengthen the other person’s argument before responding. Instead of tearing down their view point (straw-manning), you build it up instead into its strongest form, showing you truly understand it. This reduces defensiveness and helps people engage in real collaboration. Psychology backs this too. When we have to strengthen others arguments, we have to think more deeply and critically and challenge our own biases. As a leader, you can quickly use steel-manning by simply asking each person in a conflict situation to explain the others person’s viewpoint as if they were arguing for it (not against it). This forces them to listen and shifts the focus from playing the person to playing the problem. Done well, this turns conflict into an opportunity for learning and collaboration.
🤔 REFLECT on an idea.
“You have not converted a person because you have silenced them.”
John Morley
Most workplace arguments and conflicts “end” with one or more parties just giving in and going silent, letting the loud and argumentative person have their way. This quote is a powerful reminder that shutting down opposing views doesn’t lead to resolution—it results in dissent and disengagement. The issue doesn’t go away—it just goes unspoken.
😊 SMILE a little.
My boss told me to de-escalate conflict by finding common ground with my co-worker.
It worked!
Now we both hate our boss in equal measures. 😂
✅ DO IT to get results.
Can you think of two (or more) people who seem to never agree on each other’s perspectives? Get them to go away and think about the other person’s argument. Then bring them together and ask them to argue in favour of the other person’s perspective. See what happens!
🌱 How we can support you.
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Kenny Bhosale
CEO & Founder, The Bridge Leaders
